Published on March 14, 2004 By Superpsych In Blogging
I have 2 friends who are married, and I met them through my Fiance as the man (lets call him D), works with my man. D and his wife (I'm calling her S) have become pretty good friends to us, and we've been going round each others houses, relaxing, having a laugh etc. You know, generally what friends do.

I found out recently that D has been having an affair behind S's back. My bloke told me because he felt he couldn't lie and keep it from me, but D doesn't know that I know. I suppose that "affair" is not really the right word. It was more of a one night stand, and he thought the girl would keep it to herself!! She didn't, and immediately told her boyfriend, who told everyone else. Surprise surprise.

Anyway, S doesn't know about the bit of skirt, and has been asking when we're all going to meet up again. I really want to meet up and hang out like we were before but I have no idea how to act around D. And I feel like I'm lying to S by not telling her, but by telling her it could really ruin her life, you know? She's so nice and down to earth, and I have just discovered how 2-faced her husband is, when I thought he was a decent guy.

I don't want to be all high and mighty about it, but I really feel that he is treating her like dirt and she doesn't even know it. I want to be friends, and I suppose I will just have to put it to the back of my mind or it will just grow into a monster. D will have to deal with it, but I'm pretty sure he's going to just brush it under the carpet and hope it doesn't come to light. I certainly don't want to be the one to tell!

So what do I do? I can't very well ignore him... help!!

on Mar 14, 2004
You shouldn't intervene but if you have to confront him first and warn him that you know and expect him to tell her or you will.
on Mar 14, 2004
I would agree with psychx about confronting him with the information that you know, after you discuss it with your husband, but rule out the ultimatum. Really, it's his business at this point. If you had been better friends longer, maybe I would agree, but once you start actively getting involved you do have to assume some sort of resposibility for your actions. It's too bad that your husband's friend won't.
Best of luck.
on Mar 14, 2004
Thanks guys. I know that I don't really have the right to do anything about it, but I just wish I could make it better for my friend. She really doesn't deserve the crap he's put her through. Don't worry, I won't confront him. My man doesn't want me too, anyway. He's already been telling D how much of a c**k he is, whenever he gets the chance! So, he's not getting away with it totally....
on Mar 14, 2004
When you confront him, let him know that if he doesn't tell it someone else will because it's out in the open. It's better that S hear it from him first.
on Mar 14, 2004
True, but I know he's done it before and I'm not even sure if she knows about that or not. Maybe she's one of these weird people who "look the other way" even though they know it is happening. I really don't see myself as that close a friend to D to give him an ultimatum, but as I said, Finton is giving him s**t about it!! Trying not to swear, but it's getting hard...

I can't believe people sometimes...
on Mar 14, 2004
Are you *so* sure she doesn't about it? It seems - it's none of your business.
on Mar 14, 2004
i'm with the Poet P on this one... it's none of your binness...

it'll be tough, but you said yourself that you don't want to be the one to break da news... just keep quiet, and let the truth come out on its own...
on Mar 14, 2004
What a crappy situation. Were I you, I'd ask my fiance to confront the man. Seems that that's the closer relationship, not you and D. If fiance chose not to, then I'd stay out of it. But I'm not in it and I don't know all the facts. If and when she does find out, though, that'll be an interesting situation, since you're friends with her and your fiance works with him and theoretically you're all four of you friends. Sorry this is less than helpful.
on Mar 18, 2004
Thanks guys. All the comments are helpful! Finton has already confronted D, and D knows what he thinks about the situation. I know it's not my business, but that's not the issue. My problem is how I put it to the back of my mind. I am still friends with them both, really, and need to get on with things, and not dwell. I'm not going to be the one to tell, and I'm not going to get involved in their relationship probs, but I still want to be friends with both of them, and don't want to feel I'm hiding a secret! Make sense??